I want to say something about language. It is essentially ingrained & inherited from how and where and with whom we grew up and hung out with. When someone like me (old school NY street life) says things like "look, pal", or a southern waitress calls me "sweetie or dearie", we are not name-calling. It is just habitual expressiveness that has not been willfully changed. I used to say "F- this and F-that, you M'rFk'r (which is now more commonly expressed as mofo--go figure!) repeatedly, every sentence, non-stop. And I could not stop--had no reason to, and then when I did have a reason to, it was rough. I had to be taught how to change my world view, my stance in the world, and my mouth. I had to--painfully, I might add--practice, practice, practice, literally for years until I could speak like a decent mainstream person in a variety of settings and communities.
Most of us have a working brain-it is not about having the smarts, even tho using certain language can make one look stupid, or aggressive, etc.. The waitress saying "Can I get you more coffee sweetie" and me saying "Look, sister, I'm not your sweetie" are really the same thing. Except it sets us worlds apart (like different cultures around the globe) , and maybe at odds with each other, as I think she's of low intelligence and she thinks I'm a biker's broad.
So with all due respect to everyone---I see nothing in this thread that is less than civil. I hope that as group members, we are not being required by moderators to become hyper-vigilent and super-sensitive about what we say or how we say it (or how Lee writes stuff-which is quite hard to reign in from my natural style-seriously). I hope there is some reasonable wiggle-room, so we can be "who we are".
If someone is offended, I trust they can speak up for themselves and with private messaging, we can usually work it out. If it is perceived as offensive and ongoing, we can report it to a moderator and they can handle it politely and privately. When it can't be worked out, either the offender or the offended will leave the group. Isn't it partly how things were said (and badly misinterpreted, in my opinion) that provoked the loss of some great foundational members/mentors/experts not all that long ago? Compassion & respect are as perceived, as delivered and as received; they not always clear absolutes that are identifiable by all as such, on both the delivering and receiving ends. Lee's rant of the day-or, to put it in a more paletable form, just some food for thought.